


The Matryoshka

by Avelera



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, Bisexuality, Character Study, Friendship, Multi, Polyamory, Romance, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 14:50:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3854758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avelera/pseuds/Avelera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of five people in Natasha's life who love her, including herself. </p><p>Written in reaction to the "???" that was the suddenness of Bruce/Nat in AoU. An attempt at explanation, reconciliation, and the judicious application of polyamory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Matryoshka

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in the first few hours after returning from Age of Ultron. I can't be the only person who was somewhat... puzzled, by Bruce and Natasha's relationship. This is my attempt at explanation, and my first real look at Natasha in a character study. 
> 
> Written to "The A Team" by Ed Sheeran, which in my opinion is the consummate Natasha song.

The sink was broken again, and maybe it was the frustration of being upside down with his head under a cabinet that made Clint finally blurt what was on his mind.

“I just don’t get the Banner thing,” he said, punctuating his words by giving the wrench a vicious twist.

“It’s not really your business whether you do or not,” Laura said dryly from above him. “Nope, still nothing here. Have you tried tightening it?”

Clint grumbled. Screwing the valve further had left him with no results to speak of. Any further and the damn thing would twist right off. “I get that, babe, we’ve got no claim on her, but…”

He could practically hear Laura roll her eyes. “We all agreed there wouldn’t be a ‘but’.”

“Not unless it was mine,” Clint snickered, and yelped at the light kick to his thigh. “I just thought the three of us had a good thing goin’ here. The kids love Nat, and she sure made Nathaniel’s conception a good time.”

“She has a right to date whoever she wants on the side,” Laura sighed. “It’s just the way Nat is, love was her job for so long, I think sometimes she has trouble turning that off.”

“So Banner is just another assignment?” Clint said. He tried twisting the other direction and was reward with a renewed drip on his forehead. With a faint snarl he twisted it again, at least stopping the flow.

“Could be. I think she likes him, she said the training is all about finding something you like about your assignment. I can hardly blame her, that chest of his…”

It was Clint’s turn to jostle his wife’s ankle. Fact was, Laura could look at anyone she liked as long as they both talked about it first. He considered it though. Bruce wasn’t half bad looking, if you hadn’t seen him tear apart a city block with his bare hands up close. Even then. Maybe he should mention that to Nat.

“So, what? You think it will last?” Clint said.

“As long as one of them needs it. A guy like Dr. Banner could use some stability, someone who isn’t afraid of him, and Nat likes to feel needed from time to time. She’s only human after all,”

“We need her,” Clint said, sounding more sulky than he intended.

“We don’t need her, hon, that’s the point. She can come back anytime she wants and we’ll all be waiting for her. Right?” Laura said. “Are you still down there? The sink’s starting to back up now.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got it,” Clint said, giving his wrench a particularly vicious twist. The pipe exploded.

* * *

Natasha stared down at her phone, but it was just another phantom buzz and she put it back in her pocket with a sigh. Still no word, it seemed Fury’s idea of Bruce vacationing in Fiji was as good a bet as any.

She ignored the phantom buzz the rest of the night, the phone wasn’t for work, and here in the upstate Avengers headquarters there was no risk of missing an assignment anyway.

The messaging screen in her bedroom didn’t light up until four in the morning, and her her eyes snapped open as the computer brightened to life. She was already upright when Bruce’s face appeared, wearing his usual half-frown, his stubble thicker than when she last saw him. He was tanner too. Fiji was looking better every minute.

“Hey Nat,” Bruce greeted her. His voice was faint, hesitant. “Shit, is it still dark there? I’m sorry, I’m still screwed up on the time, I’ll call you back.”

“No, this is fine,” Natasha interrupted him. She managed her own half-smile. “How you doin’, big guy?”

“Good, I… it’s good here. Quiet,” Bruce said, glancing compulsively over his shoulder. The wall was plain behind him, without windows. She could probably run the video feed for ambient noise and triangulate his position in a few hours, and that would be the old fashion way. It was a tempting thought, but she pushed it aside. “Listen, I know it was, uh, not the nicest thing to drop off the grid like that on you.”

“I’m not gonna lie, you gave me a scare,” Natasha said. “But it’s not bad, knowing there’s nothing out there that can really take your boyfriend out.”

Bruce winced. “About that. Natasha, I’m not really sure how to say this, but…”

“You want to end it?” Natasha said solemnly.

“The thing is, I’m not sure what we’re ending?” Bruce said, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “I’m flattered and… baffled, really. You’re a beautiful woman, and god knows it’s been a long time, though maybe not as long as you seem to think. The thing is, I care for you Natasha, truly. But family, a relationship? You already are my family, all of you, and it’s… I’m not…” He sighed. “It’s not just something I haven’t let myself think about. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“I can show you,” Natasha said evenly. “But I get the feeling that’s not what you’re asking.”

“It’s not,” Bruce admitted. “Wow, this is terrible over the phone.”

“Bruce,” Natasha said. “You’re worrying. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Ah…dammit, I’m not. God I’m making such a mess this…”

“It’s real, Bruce,” Natasha said. “I couldn’t do this if it wasn’t, but you’re not breaking my heart here.” She smirked. There was a faint, echoing pang, but that was part of the training too. “What do you need me to be?”

“Right now? I’d say a friend, but I think we already are,” Bruce said. “At least, I hope, if I haven’t mucked it up.”

“You’re not the first person to say that,” Natasha said with a shrug. “Sure, friends then?”

The smile that broke across Bruce’s face was almost worth it on its own. “Yeah.”

* * *

Fury was waiting in his office the next day, impromptu as it was and for all that not everyone could quite agree what Fury was in this new Avengers initiative, besides damn useful. His arms were folded, but the look he gave Natasha was equal parts stern and sympathetic. “We intercepted the communication. So, you called it off with Banner?”

Natasha shrugged, dropping her rucksack beside her desk. The recruits were waiting for morning training, and she’d need a few minutes to stretch out before then ideally, but it could wait. “There wasn’t much to call off, as I gather.”

“You don’t have to give me that bullshit. It’s hard, even if it is an assignment,” Fury said,

“Bruce wasn’t assigned,” Natasha retorted.

Fury only raised an eyebrow. “Not by the higher ups. But you’re a damn good agent, Nat, and you made a call. Last thing we needed was throwing Banner on a team with no one to calm him down, and Tony is too punch-first-apply-psychotherapy-later to be of any use, even with their relationship, and ain’t no way we were getting Pepper out in a warzone. You made a call, and saw what he needed.”

“It’s a little more complicated than that,” Natasha said.

“Sure it was, which is why you and the good doctor are running off to Fiji tomorrow,” Fury said. “Look, I get it, and you don’t need my take on it either way.”

“Thanks, Fury,” Natasha said. “Remind me to talk to you more often about this sort of thing.”

“Don’t find me, I’ll find you,” Fury said, and to anyone else it would have been a threat. Natasha only smiled.

* * *

One thing upstate New York was good for was solitude. The perimeter around the Avengers compound was swept twenty miles in every direction, and most of that was woods. Smart nets meant that animals went in and out freely and humans didn't, which meant her walk was dotted by white-tail deer in the distance and the bustle of rabbits across her path. It was peaceful out there, and after a long day in the arena with the recruits a cool-down walk was just what she needed.

There was nothing to be done for the humidity though, and an hour in to her walk, Natasha found a fallen log by the path and sat, scrubbing the back of her hand over her forehead. Her red hair clung to her forehead in sweaty ringlets, returning to their natural curls without the constant threat of a straightener. She sat for a long moment, taking a deep breath, enjoying the peace of the late afternoon with its distant birdsong.

Natasha exhaled, imagining the old persona, the Natasha-who-was-in-love-with-Bruce, going out with it. All those different lives, those different women, sat in her heart like nesting dolls, the matryoshka, one inside the other, each painted differently, each with a different face and yet all part of a whole. She had loved Bruce, just as she still loved Clint and Laura, and Steve, and James all those years before. Her life meant an endless array of loved ones, and friends. Some needed romance, some friendship, others like Tony just needed someone to listen.

What did she need? It was a question she had not been allowed to ask for so many years, but she was beginning to learn the answer. It was all of them. She would never be like others, dividing the world sharply, setting it aside for one person. She wasn’t sure she would have been able to even without the training. She needed this: to love others, to be loved in return. To be needed. Just because she could turn it off and on at will, it didn’t make it any less real. All of that love sat, a warm candle inside her heart: the littlest doll with her hands held open, accepting all.

She smiled a bit ruefully at herself for her own musings, and reached to pull out her phone, finding the contact for Clint and Laura’s home number. Wasn't that what home was for, after all? Somewhere to return, somewhere where that candle was always burning, even if it was not the only one. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed, and if so that you will consider taking a moment to let me know what you think :)


End file.
